


Happily Ever After, After All

by Dyad_balance



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Awkward Rey, Ben Solo Lives, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Domestic Fluff, Exegol flashbacks, F/M, Fluff Alert, Friendly banter, HEA, Poe is a himbo, Rose deserved more, momentary angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:08:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26724922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dyad_balance/pseuds/Dyad_balance
Summary: Ben’s tone was gentle as his fingers traced idle patterns on her back.“Not to sound argumentative, but what exactly were you expecting when we came back here together? That they’d welcome me with open arms and everything would be fine?”
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 14
Kudos: 71





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been an avid consumer of fanfics for years, but after the atrocity that was TROS, I would lie awake in bed and picture all the “what if’s”. So much wasted potential, you guys! So in January I started writing this down, mostly because it was therapeutic, never intending to post it. Until one day I saw a post from a mutual on Twitter, and she was putting out beautiful art (even though she was nervous) because she wanted to be more than a consumer. She wanted to give back. So with that inspiration, here ya go, my first ever fanfic. This will be several chapters of mostly fluff, maybe some mild angst. There may be more plot later on; and if get brave enough, smut (*gulps nervously*)
> 
> I’ve rambled enough! Hope you like it.

The landing field was full of mismatched aircraft. To call it a fleet would be technically correct, but only by the very loosest definition. It was mostly a hodgepodge comprised of whatever they could find, whatever was volunteered, or whatever would fly. Since it wasn’t exactly new, there was ALWAYS maintenance work to be done, and unfortunately there weren’t always enough knowledgeable people to get the work done.

Which is why Rey could frequently be found half inside a ship, up to her elbows in parts, with grease smudges on her face. She liked working with her hands, and she had a natural aptitude for mechanics. Most days she was happy to help out in this practical, useful way. 

Today was not one of those days. 

“Ouch! That’s it, I’m done! I’m sick and tired of all of this! Ugh!” Rey emerged from underneath the ship she was working on, angrily looking at the cut on her knuckles and throwing a hydrospanner on the ground.

She stood up and scowled down at her hand. The cut wasn’t bad; really it was more of a scratch. She’d certainly experienced worse in her years scavenging and working with various mechanical things, yet today she felt oddly irritable. Heaving a heavy sigh, she looked up from her hand and into a pair of calm brown eyes.

Ben Solo had been quietly sitting on an empty supply container nearby where Rey was working. He was reading something on a data pad, making no effort to engage Rey in conversation while she worked; content to just be near her. He could sense through their Force bond that something was bothering her; she hadn’t felt like her usual self all morning. 

Most of the time, Rey exuded light and optimism, filling Ben with warmth through their bond. She tempered the dark thoughts of guilt, sadness, and shame that often plagued him. When his grief and darkness overwhelmed him, Rey’s light rose up and soothed him back towards equilibrium. 

He still thought it nothing short of incredible that he was part of something he’d only read about from the most ancient and obscure sources. A Force dyad; a unique force bond that connected them mentally and physically; a connection capable of spanning space and time. Literally two souls that are one.

Mythos aside; in Ben’s opinion the beauty of their bond was that it was needed and cherished equally. As much as Ben needed Rey; Rey needed Ben. She had darkness within her too; anger over her ancestry, sadness for the fate of her parents, and the lingering fear of abandonment from the achingly lonely childhood she’d had on Jakku.

Both of them had the light and the darkness within them. Together they were balance in the force; two halves of one complete whole. They understood each other on a level not even comparable to normal relationships. 

Which was why for the moment, Ben held his tongue.

“What?” Rey said gruffly. Ben just shrugged and held his hands out in a placating gesture. 

“Nothing. I don’t care if you want to throw equipment all morning, it certainly doesn’t bother me. You’re talking to the person that melted parts of the command ship with a lightsaber when angry. As entertaining as you are,” Ben gave a small half smile, “I figured you might want to tell me what’s actually bothering you.” He finished softly, looking at Rey in that intense way that only he could.

Rey instantly softened, and with a sheepish look, sat down next to him. 

She sighed heavily, “I don’t know where to start. It might sound silly. Maybe I’m overreacting.” Ben gently put his hand on her back and rubbed slow, soothing circles.  _ ‘Don’t worry about how it sounds; it’s just me. Start with what you feel. You know that I of all people won’t judge you for your emotions’, _ he thought through their bond.

Rey shot him a grateful glance, paused momentarily, and then began to vent. “Ben, I’m so tired of it around here lately! Conversations suddenly stop when you or I get near. I am tired of the whispering and the side eye glances. I’ve accidentally overheard some of the cruelest, crudest jokes I’ve ever heard in my life, which is saying something since I spent half my life around Niima Outpost.” 

Ben’s jaw clenched momentarily, but with some effort his voice remained even. “Crude jokes about you?” He asked. Rey was suddenly very interested in looking at her feet. “Um, no....mostly they are about you.” Ben noticed the deflection but decided he’d ask for more clarification later. 

“I just feel weary. I’ve been fighting my whole life; fighting for survival and hope on Jakku, fighting the war, fighting for  _ you. _ I’m ready to be done fighting,” she sighed again. “When I hear another snide remark, or we get those looks of disgust when we walk to our room at night, or when we show up at breakfast together, it feels like I’m fighting yet another battle.” 

Ben’s tone was gentle as his fingers traced idle patterns on her back. “Not to sound argumentative, but what exactly were you expecting when we came back here together? That they’d welcome me with open arms and everything would be fine?” 

Rey laughed once, but without humor. “Well no....maybe? I mean, no. I’m not sure exactly what I thought. I thought there would be some adjustment period, but I guess I wasn’t expecting it to feel like this. It’s like people have forgotten what we did for them on Exegol...not to mention everything we’ve done since then!” 

Ben frowned and nodded his head slowly. The last part was certainly true, they had been kept incredibly busy since the enemy’s defeat on Exegol. Remaining First Order ships had scattered to other systems, drumming up resources where they could, attempting to gain footholds as they tried to stay undetected. 

Ben had been instrumental in providing intel, and he and Rey together were nearly unstoppable on every mission they went on. But despite that....

“Rey,” he said softly, “can you blame them? I certainly don’t.” 

Surprised, her eyes flew up to his face. “How can you say that!” She cried. “They’re being completely unfair!” 

Ben shrugged. His nonchalance in the face of her outrage made her fingers twitch in irritation. 

“Perhaps, but I only agree with you partially. They’re definitely being unfair to  _ you, _ but not to me. You are all that is good; and because of you, they were able to win. They should show you only the respect and thanks that you deserve,” he finished firmly. 

Rey opened her mouth to disagree, but before she could speak, Ben placed a finger on her lips. “Before you start defending me, let me explain. You know how these people have suffered. Almost every one of them has lost something because of the First Order. They’ve lost homes, family, friends...some of them have lost their very identity, or even entire worlds. And while I may not have been personally involved in every incident, or even had knowledge of them, I still represent the evil that was done to them.” 

At this point Rey couldn’t hold her silence any more. “But that’s not fair to use you as a scapegoat for an entire organization! We forgive and forget with all the stormtroopers that defect, without a second thought! We recognize that they were victims, brainwashed into the only life they’ve ever known. Why can’t they do that for you?!” 

As Rey waited on Ben to reply, he was momentarily distracted. Rey was so beautiful. His eyes roved over her face; taking in her flushed cheeks, the way her eyes flashed with intense emotion. He was overcome by the feelings of fierce protection and love that were radiating to him down the bond. Stars, he loved her. Sometimes it still seemed impossible that she felt the same way. He shook his head slightly.  _ I don’t deserve it, _ he thought to himself.

“Hey. Stop that.”  _ ‘You’re projecting rather loudly today’ _ , she teased gently.“After all that we’ve been through, you deserve love and acceptance. We both do.” 

He smiled softly, and pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “As I was saying, they can’t forgive and forget with me, because they don’t see me as a victim. They see me as someone that should have been a beacon of hope and goodness; the son of the great General Leia Organa and Han Solo, who threw it all away to choose betrayal and evil.” 

Reys eyes shone while he spoke. “It’s still not fair. Snoke targeted you before you were even born! You were manipulated and groomed for the darkside as a child. You literally had someone evil inside your head! Combined with your family not knowing how to help you, and being too busy to notice what you were going through....you didn’t really stand a chance. They made all the wrong choices when it came to you, Ben. Then when Luke....”

Rey trailed off. It still hurt both of them to think about that turning point, the moment of weakness from Luke that pushed Ben over the edge.

“That’s true Rey, but I still made my own choices. The odds may have been against me but the decisions I made were still mine. And as I result I did terrible things.” He swallowed, closing his eyes briefly as he pictured his father’s look of surprise and pain before he fell. 

Rey said fiercely, “I don’t care. I’d like to see how well THEY would do with an evil Sith Lord inside their head! I want to punch them all in their stupid faces!”

Ben chuckled at her righteous anger. “Rey, you know not everyone feels that way. Many of your friends have come around. Finn especially is quite civil, which is far more than I deserve considering our past...encounters. He’s probably just doing it because of your friendship, but that speaks even more to his character. Lando and Chewy have been more forgiving than I ever would have imagined. Did you know I was nearly crushed to death in a Wookiee hug yesterday?” Rey smiled a wide smile. 

“Many of the people in command, those that worked closely with my mother, are accepting or at least neutral. They acknowledge that Leia’s sacrifice means something with my turn to the light.”

Rey sent a mischievous look his way. “And Poe?” 

“Well,” Ben smirked, “he has told me that he still doesn’t like me. Frequently. But I think he enjoys giving me a hard time, especially when he can assign me to some kind of menial labor. Last time he had me clean all the showers on base, and then he walked away  _ whistling.” _

Rey did laugh merrily at that. “I think he’s jealous that there’s another pilot on base that can give him a run for his money.” 

“Oh, I’m sure THAT’S it. It couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that I had him tortured, and then ransacked his mind after Jakku,” Ben said, rolling his eyes. Rey wrinkled her nose. 

“But seriously Rey. The people that mean something to you are supportive.” He paused and laced their hands together, holding them in his lap. “They are even supportive of  _ us. _ So what do the rest matter? Half those people have probably never heard the entire story, or if they have, they don’t believe it. So tell me, does it matter what they think?” 

With one more deep sigh, she turned to him. “I guess it doesn’t. I just want everyone to see you the way that I do.” Ben smiled softly and cupped her face in his hands. He leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to her lips, and then pulled back to rest his forehead on hers.

‘Well,’ she thought, ‘maybe not EXACTLY the way that I see you.’ 

She smiled mischievously as she let her thoughts wander and drift towards him though the bond. He caught rapid flashes of images: her fingers in his hair, his hands trailing down her bare back, his lips on her neck.. 

Ben’s mental voice was amused as he answered. 

_ ‘Yes, that would be rather awkward if Poe and Finn saw me that way.’ _

Rey playfully smacked his arm, and leaned in for one more kiss before pulling back. 

“Thanks for listening. You always know the right things to say.” Ben smiled, “I told you once, you’re not alone.” 

Rey’s heart felt lighter with the reminder of their past, and answered, “Neither are you. And I do feel a bit better better, still a little on edge though. Maybe I should go for a run?” 

Ben stood up and stretched his tall form, then offered his hand to Rey. “I’ve got a better idea.” Rey stood, taking Ben’s hand. 

She was always enchanted to see the small smile that appeared on his face whenever she held his hand. 

“Where are we going?” She asked.

“To our room,” was all Ben said as he led her across the base to their quarters. Rey smiled to herself as she walked with him, leaving her tools and equipment scattered where she last used them. 

The x-wing repair could wait.


	2. Chapter 2

Finn’s day was off to an unusual start. On a typical day he wasn’t on base at all; often flying to this planet or that system, and the purposes of his missions were as varied as the planets themselves. 

Occasionally he’d stop and think about how different things were now, and he’d chuckle to himself.

If only the stormtrooper FN-2187 could see himself now. He was Resistance General Finn; founder of the ex-stormtrooper reintegration program, dabbler in galactic politics, and a frequent leader in recon missions to root out First Order sympathizers. 

He shook his head. Life was funny sometimes.

Another thing that made today unusual was that he had absolutely nothing scheduled. Not even a single meeting. Even more rare; he actually slept in. He was feeling particularly well rested after an unheard of eight hours of sleep. Finn found himself in the odd position of wondering what to do with his day.

He walked over to the mess hall area, wondering if anyone else would still be eating breakfast. To his surprise, he found a rather sleep disheveled Poe.

“Morning,” said Finn, as he sat down next to Poe and poured himself a steaming cup of caf.

“Mrmph,” he grunted back by way of greeting. Poe was not a morning person. 

Finn laughed, “Are you telling me you’re still tired? After all that sleep? That’s the most consecutive sleep we’ve had for weeks!” 

“Yeah well, one night of good rest isn’t enough to make up for it.” He blearily rubbed his eyes and yawned. “I’ll be more awake once I get moving. What are you up to today anyway?” Poe stretched and locked his fingers behind his head, looking over at his friend.

“I’m not sure. It’s weird to not be needed in ten places at once! I know I need some exercise; been doing too much sit time in all this galactic back and forth. Maybe Rey wouldn’t mind training with me a little today.” 

Poe watched his friend as his eyes unfocused a little. He just did not understand this Force stuff. I mean, it was obviously real, as he had seen it used in a variety of powerful ways. He had been surprised to learn that Finn was force sensitive, albeit not even close to the level that Rey or Ben were. 

At first Poe was a little afraid that Finn would want to join the eventual mission to train other force users, once Ben and Rey were not needed so much for current Resistance problems. To his relief, Finn was content where he was, desiring only some lessons in basic use of the force and lightsaber technique. Poe knew he eventually wanted his own saber, but that was only to have in addition to his blaster. 

“You can never have too many weapons,” Finn shrugged when Poe asked him why. 

Regardless of the reasons, Poe was relieved to have his friend by his side, as most of the time he still felt like he was just winging this whole “fix the galaxy thing.” Almost daily he found himself wishing Leia were still here.

Poe cleared his throat, catching Finn’s attention again. “You may wanna hold off on that buddy, I saw Rey and her giant brooding shadow earlier, and she looked almost as irritable as that time I brought the Falcon back on fire.” 

Finn laughed, reminiscing about a time that was both somehow easier, and harder. The war was still waging and the future uncertain; but in some ways it was simpler just running missions with the indomitable General Leia guiding their actions. 

He was grateful for the rocky peace they had established, but things were different now. He and Poe were leading something that was half Resistance, half government, and they often felt ill-equipped for their new roles. Not to mention the other things that were different. 

Rey had come back from Exegol dragging an injured Kylo Ren, only to tell everyone that his name was Ben Solo and he was somehow good now. Apparently they defeated the emperor together, then Rey died but Ben brought her back to life. Then he almost died, but somehow Leia stopped it before she became one with the force. 

Oh, and also Palpatine was her grandfather. That definitely ranked in Finn’s top ten messed up days.

Finn brought himself back to the present. “That doesn’t sound like Rey. What did you say to her? Or rather, what did you say to Ben?” Finn raised his eyebrows at Poe, knowing his penchant for insulting the former Supreme Leader. 

“Why do you automatically assume I did something?” Poe asked, affronted. Finn simply crossed his arms and gave him a look. 

“Ok, yeah, fair point,” Poe conceded, “but this time I was good, I swear! I wanted to say that if Solo didn’t have anything better to do than tag along after Rey, he could go clean all the toilets, but with the way Rey was scowling I didn’t dare.” 

Finn shook his head, laughing despite himself. “You should really just get used to the fact that he’s not going anywhere. If we want to keep Rey, we get him. And you have to admit, we wouldn’t be doing too well without his help.” 

Poe waved his hand, “Ugh don’t remind me! What are you trying to do, ruin my morning by telling me how useful he is? Even I can’t deny he’s a completely different person. I just wish he could be a completely different person on a planet far away from me. Why do he and Rey have to be joined at the hip anyway?” Poe ran his fingers through his hair in irritation.

Finn exhaled heavily. ”I know it’s hard for you to forgive everything he did. I get it, believe me. But I think Leia would be proud of him now, don’t you?” 

Poe burst out, “Aw man, that’s a cheap shot. Why did you...” 

Finn interrupted, “Let me finish! Rey spent most of her life alone, always hoping she’d find somewhere to belong. She started to find that with us, but Ben completes her in a way that we never could. I don’t fully understand their force dyad thingy, but it’s like she’s....better with him around. They understand each other; they were both so lonely. I think they were kind of broken people, but together, they’re....not,” Finn said quietly.

Poe sighed and ran a hand down his face. “These are some deep thoughts for before noon.” Finn wasn’t quite done yet though. 

“Poe, all I’m saying is, maybe try to look at it from their perspective. Teasing and joking are one thing, but have you thought that you haven’t exactly made it easy for them?” 

Poe was starting to feel a little miffed. “Now hang on just a minute!” He said angrily. “When Rey came back here with him, I wanted to shoot him on the spot, but I didn’t! I listened to her because she asked us to. We listened to their crazy story, even when half the resistance was calling for his blood. We pardoned him because we trust Rey and it...” he swallowed heavily, “it’s what Leia would have wanted. It also helps that most of the Galaxy didn’t know that Ben Solo and Kylo Ren were the same man,” he finished with a grumble. 

Finn held his hands up defensively, “Poe, I’m not attacking you, I was there remember? It was hard for me too. All I’m saying is that you might consider that you haven’t made this transition the smoothest. We’re the generals now. Everyone looks to us, and sometimes people just model what they see. And if they see you treating Ben like crap....well...,” he shrugged. 

Poe sighed, “Alright, alright. I see what you’re saying. I’ll try to play nice. But I’m only doing this for Rey, got it?” He pointed his finger at Finn. 

Finn grinned and clapped his friend on the shoulder. “Yeah I got it. Thanks Poe, you’re a good man.” He stood up, gathering his cup and depositing it in a wash bin nearby. 

“I think I will go and see what Rey’s up to, I really could use a good workout.” He turned and smiled at Poe. “A grumpy Rey doesn’t scare me.” 

As Finn walked off in search of Rey, Poe muttered, “Well that makes one of us.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rey gets Embarrassed ™,  
> we see light hearted and teasing Ben; and Finn and Rey training together. Enjoy!

Finn left the mess hall in a chipper mood. He was glad Poe had been receptive during their impromptu talk. While Finn appreciated the humor in Poe’s jabs at Ben, he could tell it was starting to wear on Rey.

It wasn’t long before he found the object of his search. Ben and Rey were crossing the base from the direction of the landing field, walking hand in hand. “Hey Rey! Ben!” He called with a wave.

Their heads turned in his direction as he started towards them. “Just now getting up? Someone’s having a lazy day.” Rey teased. 

“Hey!” Finn put his hand on his chest in mock outrage. “I think I deserve it, don’t you?” 

“Yeah, I do actually,” she said softly, smiling at him. She knew how hard he’d been working. “So are you just taking it easy all day?”

Finn studied his friend closely. He couldn’t see any hint of the bad mood Poe mentioned earlier. He glanced at Ben standing silently next to her, and figured he had something to do with the improvement. 

“I was coming to find you actually,” he replied. “Are you busy? Where are you guys headed?”

For some inexplicable reason, Rey looked like she was blushing. “Well we, er, I was...” she stammered. Ben and Finn both looked at her curiously. 

When it was clear that no other answers were forthcoming, Ben turned to Finn and said, “We were heading over towards the crew quarters to get our lightsabers; then to the training areas to practice sparring.” Ben turned and looked at Rey, tilting his head in curiosity.

_‘Good save,’_ Rey thought towards him.

_‘Come again? I don’t follow. And why is your face turning red?’_ He thought with amusement. 

Rey rolled her eyes. _‘I would think that was obvious! I’m sure Finn wouldn’t want to hear that we were sneaking off for a daytime tryst!’_

_‘Is that what we were doing? I had no idea you were intending to seduce me.’_ He raised his eyebrows, the very picture of false innocence. Rey’s mouth fell open in consternation. _‘What? But, you said....’_

_‘I said we were going to our room. I meant to grab our lightsabers so we could practice; you were the one that assumed there was some nefarious purpose.’_ His eyes danced with merriment.

Rey’s entire face was now scarlet, with even the tips of her ears turning pink. Ben grinned at her. 

_‘You are a horrible man,’_ she thought, but without any real venom. _‘That’s been established,’_ he replied. He was enjoying teasing her, and only smiled wider.

Finn looked back and forth between the two of them. He may have missed the silent exchange, but Rey’s embarrassment and Ben’s impish grin were impossible not to notice.

“Whatever you two are saying inside your heads; do me a favor and keep it to yourselves.” This earned a rare chuckle from Ben. “I was going to see if you’d train a little with me Rey. Care if I come along?” 

“Of course I don’t mind! That would be great, right Ben?” She smiled widely, flashing her perfect white teeth. Honestly he was looking forward to training alone with Rey, but with that eager look on her face he couldn’t deny her anything. “Sure. You can help us get warmed up,” he deadpanned. 

Finn rolled his eyes. “Oh nice, I see how it is. I’m just the warm up huh?” He noticed a glint in Ben’s eyes though, and said in surprise, “Wait, was that a joke? Rey, did he just make a joke?” 

Rey just laughed and tugged them both in the direction of the sleeping quarters. “Alright you two, let’s get going. The day is beautiful and I at least don’t intend to waste it,” she said with a wink towards Finn.

After a brief stop to pick up lightsabers, they headed to the practice area. It was essentially just a large clearing on the far north side of the base. One side had different sized targets set up as a shooting range. Another area held various types of equipment for practice; with everything from blasters locked at the stun setting, to hand to hand equipment, to the old helmet Rey used to use for lightsaber drills. Ben glanced at a pile of broken down sparring droids. Not for the first time, he was slightly amazed that the Resistance had been victorious. He was glad, of course; but how had this rag-tag group with rusty old equipment beaten the polished might of the First Order?

He watched Rey as she picked up practice staffs, and he had his answer. Ben believed in Rey more than anyone or anything. It many have been a gross oversimplification; but in his mind, if Rey was behind a cause he was pretty sure victory would be inevitable. 

“Didn’t your parents ever tell you it’s rude to stare?” She teased as she threw a staff to Finn. Ben snapped out of his musings. “Often, yes,” he said. “Manners were drilled into me from a young age. One of the downsides of having a Senator-General-Princess as your mother.” 

There was a beat of awkward silence, then Ben cleared his throat. “Well, you two get started. I would say that I’ll offer advice, but I’m fairly certain no one can best Rey with a staff in her hand.” Rey and Ben smiled at each other, and she headed into the open area. Finn hesitated and asked,” aren’t we going to use the practice sabers?” 

Training sabers, which were prevalent at the time of the Clone Wars, were nearly impossible to find. They happened to stumble on a pair of them while buying parts for the millennium falcon. The shifty parts dealer was hesitant to say where he found them, but was more than happy to sell the sabers to them. (For the right price, of course.) It had been a lucky find, since the practice sabers replicated the unique feel of a weapon with all the weight in the hilt, but without the deadliness of a real lightsaber.

Rey, who was already twirling her staff and swinging it into imaginary opponents, answered him before Ben could. “No, I just want to warm up a little with the staffs first, before we start singeing each other with the training sabers. Let’s start with defensive stances and blocking again.” Finn was happy to oblige and jogged our to the middle to join Rey.

Finn was a quick study, but no one could match Rey for the ease with which she used a staff. All those years of self defense on Jakku allowed her to use the weapon like an extension of her own body. Not for the first time, Ben wondered if she shouldn’t have created a double lightsaber instead of her new single one. 

After about 15 minutes of warming up and reviewing from their last lessons, they decided to move on to the training sabers. They started slowly at first, practicing the same parries and blocks as before, allowing Finn time to feel the difference in how the saber handled compared to the staff. 

As they started to pick up speed, Finn started getting tapped more frequently with the training saber. Rey was very fast, but the problem was that Finn wasn’t anticipating her movements as he should. He was merely reacting, making him too slow to block all of all Rey’s attacks. 

After hearing one more zapping sound and Finn yelling “ouch!”, Ben signaled them to stop. He walked towards them in the clearing, not noticing that their practice time had gathered a few onlookers. 

“If it feels like you’re always one step behind, it’s because you are,” he said to Finn. Panting slightly, Finn huffed, “That’s encouraging, thanks. You should be a motivational speaker.”

Ben sighed. “No. What I mean is, you’re not anticipating what Rey is about to do next. You’re so busy reacting that you can’t go on the offensive. Remember what Rey taught you about the force?” 

Finn grumbled, “Which part?”

Ben looked over at Rey, who was trying not to giggle. _‘I’m starting to have more sympathy for my Uncle Luke. Who knew that training force sensitives involved so much whining?’_ Rey simply smiled and shrugged a little.

“Let your mind relax. It’s difficult because it’s an abstract concept, but try using your feelings instead of your eyes to see what Rey is doing. It gives you a split second more time than a non-force sensitive person. That’s what makes a Force user’s reflexes so fast.”

Finn nodded, and breathing deeply, closed his eyes. Rey waited patiently until he opened his eyes and said, “Ok, let’s try again.” 

It was more of an even match this time. Ben could tell that Rey was still holding back; staying with moves they had practiced before. _Otherwise Finn would never have stood a chance,_ Ben thought wryly. Finn was showing signs of fatigue, but pushed forward with more determination until he finally managed to hit Rey on the arm. 

“Finally!” Finn pumped his fist in the air. “I was getting tired. I was afraid I would have to quit before I ever landed a hit! You know, it’s a good thing I like you, otherwise I’d be really annoyed that you don’t even look winded.” He was breathing heavily, but smiled at Rey.

“You did great Finn! That last part was the best yet,” Rey beamed, ever the encourager. She rubbed her arm lightly where Finn had gotten in a hit, but the minor irritation faded quickly.

“Well,” Finn looked to Ben who was standing close by, “that actually helped. Thanks.” 

“No problem. Is it my turn now?” Ben’s half smile was both hopeful and somewhat predatory.

“No way man, are you kidding me? I’m already tired, and I don’t do great against you when I’m fresh. I don’t care to get my ass handed to me in front of an audience. You can practice with Rey.”

“Wha-“ Ben started to say, but then he looked up and realized that a small crowd had gathered, Poe included. _‘Doesn’t anyone have work to do around here?’_ He asked Rey, feeling exasperated. 

She shrugged. _‘Apparently not at the moment. Well, shall we?’_

Ben frowned, and said out loud, “Are you tired? We can practice later if you like.” She took a drink of water and wiped her hand across her brow. “I’m fine. What, are you afraid I’ll beat you?” She raised her eyebrows in challenge. 

He smiled faintly. _‘Partially, but I also know how people on base were bothering you today. If you don’t want to do this with onlookers, I understand.’_ He waited quietly. 

She looked at his serious face, and thought about how considerate he could be. He was always putting Rey and her feelings first. If people couldn’t let go of the past to see the good man that Ben Solo was now, then they were blind idiots. Ben was right, what did their opinions matter? 

She decided then and there that she simply no longer cared. It was a freeing feeling. 

_‘No, who cares. You had a good idea, coming here to work out some nervous energy. Don’t tell Finn, but you’re more fun to spar with anyway.’_ She picked up her lightsaber and tossed Ben’s towards him.

Their onlookers grew very still as they activated their sabers, illuminating the duo in purple and gold light.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yield”, he said quietly in her ear. They were both frozen, breathing heavily, and the clearing itself seemed still and quiet. Rey exhaled, “I guess you got me this time.” 
> 
> “Hmmm,” he agreed. “Then say it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back!! Thank you for the kudos and kind comments on this fic! Sorry for the delay in posting; we just sold our house and moving is not for the faint of heart. Yikes I am TIRED. This chapter has been written for awhile, it just needed a little tweaking. Stop and say hi to me on Twitter @dyad_balance. Thanks again for reading!!

The sun was almost directly overhead as Finn left the middle of the clearing; walking over to where Poe sat and flopping down with a loud exhale. Finn was sweating profusely, and gratefully took the water that Poe offered him. 

“Why couldn’t we have our base on a more temperate planet?” Finn complained. Poe ignored his comment and turned towards him with a raised eyebrow. 

“Hey good job out there. Looks like you got that workout you wanted. If your idea of exercise is getting your ass kicked, I’m sure I could have obliged,” he finished with a grin. 

“Yeah whatever, shut up.” Finn replied with a good natured laugh. They both looked to the training area to watch Rey and Ben. 

“Why aren’t they doing anything? They’ve just been standing there forever.” Poe said with confusion. Rey and Ben had circled each other a few times, and were currently standing with their sabers in a ready position, but not making any movements to attack. 

“I bet they’re doing that thing where they talk in their heads,” Finn said. “Apparently this kind of force bond hasn’t happened for generations. I had no idea the force could do this kind of stuff. It’s interesting, but man is it weird,” he finished with a shrug.

_“He’s_ weird.” Poe muttered, eyeing Ben as he lazily twirled his lightsaber with the flick of a wrist. “Who picks purple for their lightsaber anyway? Isn’t that kind of a girlie color?” 

Looking at Ben standing motionless across from Rey, ‘girlie’ is the last adjective Finn would choose. Ben absolutely towered over Rey, was taller than almost everyone on base, and was broad and well muscled. Keeping that to himself, Finn addressed the other question Poe asked.

“You know they don’t just pick their lightsaber color, I’ve told you that before. It’s all about the kyber crystal inside. You meditate on the crystal before you put the whole thing together. Rey said the crystal becomes a reflection of your signature in the force.” 

“Hmph, whatever. Ok so what was the deal with his old red saber? Red means bad and his new crystal means-” Poe frowned, hesitating over the word ‘good.’ 

“-His new crystal means he’s kinda alright?”

Finn sighed a little, feeling tired from both the training and the conversation. Poe was one of his closest friends. He was charismatic, funny, courageous, and a great leader. But sometimes the man just had no subtlety. 

“Poe, it’s the _same_ crystal. It started out blue, and then it cracked when he mostly surrendered to the dark. Rey thinks it cracked because he was still conflicted. He could never give up completely on the light, and since the crystal is a reflection of the soul, it cracked.” Finn obviously found the topic fascinating, gesticulating with his hands as he spoke.

“So after they found his old saber on Kef Bir-” 

“Which I still find hilarious, by the way,” Poe interrupted. “The guy has no chill! He couldn’t just, like, set it down? No, of course not! Let’s chuck it into the sea,” Poe laughed. “I think Rey is right, the Skywalkers love drama. I still can’t believe he just ran off to help Rey fight the emperor with a blaster.”

Finn was laughing now too. “Nah, running headlong into danger with no plan? That’s got Han Solo written all over it.”

Poe started to reply, but was cut off by Finn. 

“Shhh!” He hissed. “I think they’re finally starting.” Both men shifted their attention to the saber duel.

Rey and Ben had been silently sizing each other up, although with their bond it was difficult to have an element of surprise. Rey raised her eyebrow at Ben, thinking, _‘Now don’t go easy on me or I’ll be cross with you.’_

_‘I wouldn’t dream of it,’_ he thought back. _‘Perhaps it’s you that should go easy on me, since you’re the one that has sliced me up on two different occasions.’_

Rey had a brief flash of hurt, and Ben wanted to kick himself. _Me and my big mouth. This is why I can’t have nice things._

_‘Rey, I’m sorry...’_ he started, but stopped abruptly as she charged at him with a wide swipe of her saber. He parried it easily, but not before Rey got a glimpse of his surprised face. _‘Apology accepted.’_ She looked pleased with herself. _‘You know I still feel bad about that though.’_

Ben ran his free hand through his hair. _‘I know. I’m just an idiot. And you did heal me, I don’t even have the scar anymore. Besides, we’ve been over this. I’m glad it happened like that, who’s to say how it all would have turned out otherwise? My only regret is not going with you after we fought Snoke’s guards.’_

“Bo-ring!” Poe’s voice rang out across the clearing. “You guys going to actually do something or just stand around all day?”

“Believe it or not, but we weren’t planning this for your entertainment, Dameron.” Ben called back. 

“I’m just saying, your version of training is kinda lame, and-” 

“Shut up Poe!” Rey and Ben shouted in unison.

They surged forward and their connected lightsabers hissed and crackled at the contact. For the next several minutes, they lunged and parried so quickly that the sabers were nearly a blur around the clearing. 

“They’re moving so fast it’s a miracle they don’t accidentally chop an arm off,” Poe said quietly, mesmerized by the flash of purple and yellow. “It really looks like they’re trying to kill each other,” he said, eyeing them with some concern. Despite all his badgering, he didn’t want anyone to get hurt. Well, not Rey at least. He wouldn’t mind if Solo got singed in a few places. 

“Nah, they’re not.” Finn said. “Look at their faces. They’re having....fun.” 

Fun seemed like a bit of an understatement. Despite the look of intense concentration, their faces wore identical expressions of fierce joy. It was clear that they were enjoying the challenge. “You’ve never seen what they look like when they’re actually trying to kill each other,” Finn said thoughtfully. “Well scratch that, Rey tells me she was the only one ever trying to kill him. She said he was always hesitating, pulling his punches. I guess he could have stabbed her like three times when they were fighting on the old Death Star ruin, but he didn’t.” 

They both watched as Rey feinted to the left and then swiped a low slash at Ben’s legs. He jumped, avoiding a blow that would have cut open his shins, and then somersaulted over Rey. She was just as quick, and turned in time to block the attack aimed at her back. It was a little unnerving to watch that large of a man flip around effortlessly.

“Well, that’s because he was always more interested in having her join him than killing her, right?” Poe asked. Finn nodded slowly, eyes glued to the match. “He did always seem rather obsessed with her. I used to think it was all about power, but now I think there was some amount of feeling between them even then.” 

Poe laughed, “Ah so that’s why he lost to her! Instead of thinking with his head he was thinking with with his-” 

“Poe!” 

“-heart! I was going to say, ‘thinking with his heart.’” 

“Yeah, sure you were. Would you just shut up and watch the fight instead of trying weird me out?” Finn said with a faintly nauseated look on his face. “Sorry, sorry,” Poe said with a shrug, whilst not looking a bit sorry. “We can go back to watching our friends attempt to maim each other with strange invisible powers and laser swords.”

It did appear that the duel had changed from rapid sword work and flips, to blocking with the force and force pushing. Maybe it was a sign that they were finally fatiguing, because there seemed to be a fair bit of what one might call cheating. 

Ben quickly stretched out his hand, completely knocking Rey’s lightsaber out of her grip and across the clearing. Rey grunted a surprised, “Hey!” and force pushed Ben back several feet, giving her time to call the saber back to her waiting hand. Poe and Finn both laughed as some name calling and swearing carried across the clearing.

Poe continued to chuckle. “What’s next, ‘I know you are but what am I?’ It’s funny they’re just shoving each other around. It’s like watching a couple of kids.” 

“That’s rich coming from you pal,” Finn said with an eye roll. “You know they aren’t going to hurt each other; those pushes are nothing compared to the fact that they both can keep a transport ship from taking off with nothing but their bare hands.” 

“Yeah I know. Good thing they’re both on our side; I’d hate to think about the two of them together on the wrong side.” They both shuddered at the thought. 

Finn remembered the vision of Rey and Kylo Ren together on the dark throne. He was glad he never shared Rey’s vision with anyone else, since she had told him in confidence at a time when she was feeling her most vulnerable. Finn had never been more thankful to find that Force visions weren’t always destined to come to pass. 

The sparring had been going on for quite some time with no clear person appearing to have the upper hand, until suddenly it was over. Rey made an aggressive swipe towards Ben’s torso which he ducked and slid under, not dissimilar from a move Luke had made as a Force projection on Crait. 

Expecting him to block the move with his lightsaber, Rey stumbled forward off balance, surprised at the lack of contact. It happened quickly, but the split second was all Ben needed. He stood up and spun around to face Rey’s back, throwing one large arm around Rey’s torso and pulling her upright against his body. It almost looked like an embrace, except his other hand was holding a lightsaber to her throat. 

“Yield”, he said quietly in her ear. They were both frozen, breathing heavily, and the clearing itself seemed still and quiet. Rey exhaled, “I guess you got me this time.” 

“Hmmm,” he agreed. “Then say it.” 

He went to give her a kiss on the cheek, but Rey turned her head at the last second, kissing him passionately. Surprised but never unwilling, Ben eagerly returned her kiss, deactivating and dropping his saber. Rey suddenly pulled away from his arms, dropping into a low crouch and sweeping Ben’s legs out from under him. She caught his saber as he fell flat on his back with a huff, and then rolled smoothly on top of him. Rey smiled triumphantly from her perch astride Ben, with both sabers crisscrossed near his neck.

“Now who yields?” She asked smugly, looking down at Ben expectantly. 

“I do,” he said quietly. 

Rey deactivated the sabers, giving him a quick kiss on the nose. She must have lingered atop Ben longer than the situation warranted, because she soon heard snickering coming from Finn and Poe. Rey’s head snapped up, sweeping the clearing. In the heat of their duel, Rey had forgotten about their onlookers. She quickly clambered off of him, stretching her neck and arms and feeling a little awkward. Rey offered her hand to Ben, helping him up to a standing position as Finn and Poe made their way over. 

Ben’s eyes were wickedly amused. 

“Well that was as impressive as always, guys,” started Poe as he got closer. “Pretty devious of you though Rey, not very sporting for a Jedi,” He said with a smirk. The only thing Poe loved more than flying was aggravating Rey. Or did he like heckling Ben more? Did that mean he just loved irritating people? Poe dismissed this line of thinking quickly. Introspection was not his strong suit.

  
  


“Oh hush Poe. The Jedi were primarily peacekeepers, but they were still master tacticians. They understood when it was time to fight and when it was time to retreat.” She started picking up the training area as she spoke. “Ben had very obviously beaten me, and my options were either admit defeat or change the rules of the game. What kind of scavenger would I be if I didn’t use everything at my disposal to survive; or in this case, win?”

She shrugged in a self deprecating way, although she was still a little pink in the cheeks, and not just from exertion. Ben watched her, seeming completely unbothered by Rey using their relationship to her tactical advantage. 

Despite her confident explanation to Poe, she looked up at Ben almost shyly. “You’re not upset are you? That I cheated?”

Ben scoffed, “Of course not! I wouldn’t consider it cheating; it was a cunning bit of quick thinking. You’ve always been more clever than me anyway, Rey.” 

“No argument there,” Poe said out of the corner of his mouth. 

Ben’s lips barely twitched into the ghost of a smile; the only indication he heard Poe at all. He continued speaking to Rey, ignoring the others. 

“After all, you were the one that said all along that I’d turn and join you. You were right. Although,” he said with an amused expression, “if you had kissed me like that in one of our earlier battles, I most certainly would have turned sooner and then followed you anywhere.” 

Rey beamed at him, while Poe made gagging motions behind Finn’s back. Rey either didn’t see or pretended not to notice, and stooped to pick up the lightsabers. 

“Well,” she said, dusting off her pants. “Who’s hungry?”

Cleanup of the area was complete, and she started walking away from the practice area. Rey paused, realizing that no one was following her. She looked back at the three men who were standing still; probably wondering at the sudden change in conversation. 

Well, all but one. Ben was never surprised to find Rey thinking about food. 

Rey jerked her head in the opposite direction. Well, are you all coming?” She asked them. “I want lunch.” 

They all glanced at each other and shrugged, and then started after her. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey cleared her throat and shrugged a little. Ben was not going to like this. “Apparently some people like to believe that you’ve coerced me into being with you; because you used the dark side of the force to take over my mind.”
> 
> Ben’s jaw clenched, but remained calm. “That’s not as bad as I was expecting, but I assume there’s more?” He said in a low, silky voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for some lunchroom talk!  
> And Rose joins our story! Also, there is some content in this one that I wasn’t sure how to tag.  
> CW: slander, character defamation, accusations of prostitution. 
> 
> It’s still appropriate for teen and up, but if you are concerned, don’t read the italics starting right after “as clear as if he had been there, echoing through the bond.”

Chapter 5

Rey and Ben were the first ones of their little group to make it to a table with their lunch trays in the mess hall. Rey sat down, about to start inhaling her food as per usual, when Ben spoke.

“So, what kind of jokes?” He said quietly. 

“Hmm?” She was confused by his non sequitur. 

“What jokes?” he started again. “The ones you mentioned overhearing; when you were upset earlier at the landing field. I believe your words were, ‘I’ve heard cleaner jokes at a shady spaceport’. Or something along those lines.” 

Ben had turned the full force of his intense gaze on her, and she was powerless to look away. “You didn’t fully answer my question at the airfield. You said they’re mostly about me. But that must mean some are about you?”

Rey cleared her throat and shrugged a little. Ben was not going to like this. “Apparently some people like to believe that you’ve coerced me into being with you; because you used the dark side of the force to take over my mind.”

Ben’s jaw clenched, but remained calm. “That’s not as bad as I was expecting, but I assume there’s more?” He said in a low, silky voice.

“Well....” Rey was trying to look anywhere but at Ben, as she knew she would cave and tell him everything. They always told each other the truth. Lying was not something she would do, even if she thought it was for the best. Still, she was hoping she could...omit some things.

“Rey,” Ben said softly, as he gently grabbed her chin and turned her to face him. As soon as their eyes met, her mental defenses crumbled and Ben heard for himself the conversations Rey had been privy to; as clear as if he had been there, echoing through the bond.

_“..bet she just wasn’t strong enough to resist his dark powers...has her under mind control....”_

_“...she was stupid enough to think she could change him, but he was stronger. So naive, she is from Jakku after all...”_

_“...probably getting paid really well, you know he keeps the same bedroom with her? I’m sure he’s got a big stash of credits somewhere.....”_

_“...not shocking that a nobody from nowhere would bed a man for money; that happens all the time when people are poorer than dirt...”_

_“...she’s the only one that would have him.....wonder why she would want to sleep with him? How bad would your standards have to be to bang the supreme leader?”_

_“Have you seen the size of that guy? Tall, big hands....Women will put up with a lot for a huge....”_

Rey shut her eyes, cutting off the connection before he could hear any more. She was exasperated with herself. It would have been better if she’d just given him the summary, but in trying to soften the blow he’d heard far more than she’d intended. 

The temperature in the mess hall seemed to drop drastically; almost as if they were on Hoth instead of the rainforest. Rey felt like she had ice water in her veins as the bond frosted and then froze over completely. Anger, at least in the force, didn’t feel like heat; or fire. It was cold, numbing; like when she had suddenly plunged into the water in the mirror cave on Ahch-to, stealing her breath and freezing her limbs. The anger was a palpable thing, but it wasn’t coming from her.

Ben Solo was very angry right now. 

Rey opened her eyes and looked in his face full of cold fury. Teeth clenched, breath ragged; this furious Ben reminded her that the dark side was within everyone, and right now he was much more Dark than light.

_‘I’ll kill them,_ ’ he thought in an eerily calm voice that held the promise of violence. 

Rey thought towards him, _‘No, Ben. You’re the one that told me those idiots don’t matter. The galaxy is full of stupid, inconsequential morons.’_

He seemed unaffected by her attempts to calm him. Ben’s fists were clenched so tightly that his knuckles were white. She knew words alone were not going to help, even if they were nearly the same words he had spoken himself mere hours ago. 

Rey knew him, and knew what he needed. She grabbed his hand, and projected something else towards him—the light.

_Finn hugging Rey, telling her that he was happy to see her so full of joy._

Warmth.

_Poe, after one too many drinks, whispering that he wished Leia could see Ben now._

Forgiveness.

_Rose, smiling softly at Rey while working together on a broken hyperdrive, telling Rey that the resistance won, because Rey saved what she loved._

Acceptance.

_And then Rey’s own memory; of her curled up next to his side, her hand on his heart, thinking ‘I have everything I need.’_

Belonging. 

She let go of his hand, and smiled softly at him. The bond felt like dawn on a chilly morning, where the first pale rays of sunlight were just enough to melt the frost on the ground. 

He exhaled heavily. “We need a vacation Rey.” 

She laughed lightly, and though his smile was somewhat pained, she knew the worst was over. She couldn’t blame him for feeling angry and protective. After all, she had wanted to force choke the first person she’d heard speaking badly about Ben. _Breathe in, breathe out. Balance,_ She’d thought at the time, and had managed to walk away. It was only until this morning that she’d finally had enough, and unloaded all her suppressed aggravation onto Ben. 

A tray clanked down suddenly on the table next to Ben, making both Rey and Ben jump a little. 

“Whatcha taking about?” Rose asked casually, sitting down to eat lunch, completely at ease next to the former Supreme leader. 

Rey adored Rose. They hadn’t spent much time getting to know each other well before Exegol, as Rey was often busy training and Rose was always working or leading reconnaissance. But they connected after the battle, growing close quickly. Rose had become one of Ben and Rey’s staunchest supporters; which confused Ben to no end.

As Rey frequently explained to Ben; Rose wasn’t one to hold a grudge, and more than that, she was a stalwart champion of justice and forgiveness. Rose thought that everyone was capable of change; and in her mind, Ben had proven himself over and over again since coming to the resistance. Rose’s friends were her family; and she loved and trusted her friends implicitly. If Rey said Ben was on their side; well, that was good enough for her. Also, it was plain as day that Ben was hopelessly in love with Rey. 

Rose didn’t think anyone who loved Rey could truly be bad. 

Ben, however, was still getting used to her friendly, easy going nature. Acceptance was one thing, but friendliness was more than he believed he had a right to. It was actually kind of....nice.

“What we were talking about,” Ben began, but then paused as Finn and Poe sat down across from them, and his posture stiffened slightly. They may be allies, but Poe set his teeth on edge. He was positive the feeling was mutual.

“We were discussing,” he started again, more formal now, words directed towards Rose, “that apparently there are people here that have the manners of a Hutt and mouths dirtier than the floor of a backwater cantina.”

Rose opened her mouth to reply, but was cut off by a snickering Poe. “Oh poor thing, did someone offend your delicate sensibilities by saying a bad word? You can be such a snob, Prince Ben.” 

“Don’t,” Ben said flatly. “I’m not in the mood for your inane commentary.”

Rey looked back and forth between them, but said nothing, as she was busy shoveling her lunch into her mouth. 

“Well he’s partially right,” Rose said. Everyone looked at her in surprise. Rose was so inherently kind that she often didn’t engage in the banter that Poe was so fond of; she disliked humor at the expense of others. 

“What do you mean?” Asked Rey, after swallowing her giant mouthful of food. 

“Well, he IS a prince. Leia was princess of Alderaan.” 

“Yes,” Ben said, frowning slightly, “but she was adopted, it’s not as if we were descended from the royal line of that planet.” 

“Oh that doesn’t matter and you know it, any remaining Alderaanians forever claimed her as their princess, so ergo you are the Prince of Alderaan,” said Rose in that rapid way of speaking when she felt she was in the right.

“Fine, so I'm the prince of a destroyed planet and dwindling people and culture. That means little.”

Rey piped up, “you have other royal ancestors though, wasn’t your grandmother queen of Naboo?” 

“Whose side are you on?” Ben grumbled under his breath, while the others looked surprised. Leia’s ancestry wasn’t exactly the topic of dinner conversation during the war. Everyone looked to Rey in interest, except for Ben, whose posture was so stiff he might have been carved out of ice. He hated being the center of attention, especially when discussing his family. 

“Yes, she was queen of Naboo, but that is an elected position. After her time serving as queen ended, she became a senator. It hardly follows that I could claim royalty there. One might say I’m descended from politicians and smugglers rather than royalty. Are we done now?” He ran a hand through his hair and sighed heavily.

“Ben, no one is trying to insult you,” Rose said softly, while Ben looked skeptically at her and then Poe. “There’s nothing wrong with being compared to royalty; because those qualities remind us of a certain princess we all miss dearly.” 

“When you sit with that perfect posture, or, I dunno, speak formally.. there’s something almost...regal about it.” She paused. “It shows us no one’s really gone. We see her in you.” Rose was looking only at Ben, and he couldn’t doubt the sincerity of her words. “And you have her eyes, it’s nice,” she said simply, and turned back to her lunch. 

Ben swallowed heavily, eyes stinging, but he’d be damned before he’d cry in front of Dameron. He felt Rey through the bond, projecting support and love; the equivalent of a mental hug.

He deflected with a bit of humor, “If you think my mother was all graciousness and perfect manners, then you must have never heard what she’d say when she was angry.” 

“She needed to be feisty. With all the aggravating men in her life, I think she was entitled to a bit of temper,” Rey said with a wink, playing into Ben’s change in the conversation; bringing a chorus of laughter around the table. 

“Fair point,” Ben said with a smirk. 

“I’m just saying, you can be really stuffy sometimes,” said Poe, who was never one to just let things drop. 

Ben’s frown returned, and he stabbed at his food in irritation. He’d lost his appetite. Rey had finished her food within five minutes of sitting down, and was eyeing his food hopefully. 

He pushed it towards her wordlessly, and she started scarfing it immediately. Ben’s mouth twitched into a fleeting smile as he watched her fondly. No one loved food like his Rey. 

Ben crossed his arms and scowled darkly. “I’m sorry, Dameron, I guess I shouldn’t be offended when it’s implied that Rey is a weak-willed, backwater simpleton, without enough power to resist being placed under my dark spell?” 

Poe’s mouth dropped open, but Ben wasn’t finished. “Or maybe I’m ‘stuffy’ for getting pissed off when they say she’s disgusting, or a whore that I keep in return for the hidden riches I must have?” 

Rey was nudging Ben through the bond. _‘Ok I think you’ve made your point.’_ Ben ignored her; not caring if he was shocking their friends. Let them see the depravity under their noses; disguised as ‘the good guys.’ Only the naive looked at the world so black and white. 

As a child, he had seen plenty of politicians claiming to have their peoples’ best interests at heart, while serving their own selfish ambitions first. His mother had taught him young. “There’s more to people than only good and only bad,” she’d said one evening after he’d been allowed to accompany her to a senate meeting of the New Republic. “Look at their hearts Ben, look for their motivations. And even then, sometimes the road to hell is paved with good intentions.” Leia tucked him into bed; leaving a young Ben to mull over her words. 

How many times had Ben wished he would have brought those words to mind before leaving the Jedi temple and running straight to Snoke? Countless, surely.

The painful recollection fueled his righteous anger, and he continued to recite what Rey had shared. “—That she’s only good for what she can do in the bedroom, and she puts up with me because of the size of my...” 

“BEN!” Rey cuts him off. “I think they get it.” Rey was surprisingly, laughing a little. She had gotten over her earlier indignation about the gossip, and was taking Ben’s advice to heart. It didn’t matter to her anymore. She returned her attention to Ben’s tray of leftover food.

The others, however, weren’t laughing. 

Rose was looking at the table, cheeks flushed. Poe looked angry, though he muttered, ”gross.”

If Poe looked angry, then Finn looked livid; jaw clenched, nostrils flared. He had been quietly observing the conversation prior, but now snapped out, “People actually say that crap? Who? Tell me names.” Finn looked ready to throw punches; and more than that, he was actually a little baffled. How could anyone say those things about Rey, who was literally one of the best people he knew?

Poe’s previous joking demeanor was gone; replaced with an angry seriousness. He was General Dameron now. “That’s completely unacceptable. We’re on the same side; we can’t be attacking each other’s character from within, especially when it concerns the last few Jedi left in the galaxy. We need you guys, and if they can’t realize that, they can get spaced. Give me names and there’ll be reprimands,” he finished sternly. 

Ben, for once, found himself impressed by Poe’s professionalism. Not that he would ever admit that aloud.

“Seriously, just forget it. I was upset earlier, but Ben reminded me that the opinions of strangers shouldn’t matter. _You_ guys matter. And most of the people that fought with us before have been ok too; I think it’s because we have such a stream of new volunteers. They don’t get it, don’t get us, and they carry their own baggage. Ben’s the one that helped me get over it.”

“Yeah, that was before I knew exactly what it was they were saying,” he grumbled.

Poe sighed, and leaned across the table. “Well at the very least, I’m putting out a statement about a no-harassment policy, talk about unity and cooperation and all that junk.”

“Very inspiring,” muttered Ben. 

Rey smiled and said, ”Thank you Poe. You don’t need to investigate further,” she shoveled more food in her mouth. “I’m fine, honest.” The last sentence was almost unintelligible though, spoken around a huge mouthful of food.

Ben looked askance at her, saying, “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your table manners are atrocious, sweetheart.” 

Everyone chuckled, and Rey continued to talk with her mouth full. “No need to stand on ceremony on Jakku,” she swallowed, and continued more clearly. “Scavenger, remember?” She took a large bite out of Ben’s abandoned bread.

“Hmmm. Good thing I like scavengers,” said Ben; while Rey leaned towards him for a kiss. Ben stopped her with his long fingers pressed to her lips.

“Maybe save that for when your cheeks aren’t bulging with food,” he said primly. 

Everyone laughed again, Rey’s eyes dancing with merriment; while Poe leaned over to Finn saying, “How can he complain that I called him a prince when he’s going on about table manners?”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey couldn’t help herself; it was an inevitability that she would lean in to take another kiss. She was used to finding and taking what she needed; she was a scavenger after all. And what she needed now was the feel of Ben’s soft lips, reminding her that he was really here; really alive. They both were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it’s been 84 years since I updated last...I’m sorry!!
> 
> I am so moved and encouraged by your comments and kudos! It’s what encouraged me to keep writing chapters. 
> 
> Believe it or not, I didn’t plan this update to happen on the anniversary of TROS, but it seems fitting that it happened this way ESPECIALLY since this is the Exegol flashback chapter. So many great re-writes are out there, and each one helps us heal I think. <3  
> Thanks for reading y’all!!
> 
> CW: Please note that this chapter has a flashback to Exegol

  
Ch. 6

“Do you realize what today is?” Ben asked as they left the mess hall. Rey looked up at him curiously. “No, what is it? I’m not even sure what the date is.”

Ben smiled fondly, saying, ”Today is six months exactly since Exegol.” 

Rey raised her eyebrows.“Really? I’m surprised it’s been so long; it feels like time has flown since then. We’ve been so busy.” 

“Exactly,” Ben said. “It was said in jest earlier, but we really could use some time away. Maybe we could go somewhere for a bit, for 5 days, a week at most, and then come back. It’s been non-stop for months, and although I appreciate the good work we’ve done, I feel like we haven’t had time to breathe.” 

Rey nodded thoughtfully. “Yes. You’re right. I feel a bit guilty suggesting it, because I know how much there always is to do; but I think we need this. Six months....” She trailed off, looking up at him. He didn’t need the bond to know that she was thinking of everything that happened on the day that both their lives were changed.

*****************************

(6 months ago)

Explosions were going off above the Exegol temple, the rocky ground vibrating with shock waves; dust and bits of rubble falling constantly around the only two living beings on the ruined planet. 

Those two people were also rather oblivious to the destruction and chaos, as they were otherwise occupied.

Rey was in Ben Solo’s arms, kissing him in exultation. She had never kissed anyone before, but kissing him seemed like the most natural thing in the world. All the things that had felt so out of balance, out of alignment, were righted; and her heart was full. She knew he would be the one to turn. 

Sometimes it’s so satisfying to be right.

The bond between them was warm, thrumming with almost musical energy. When Ben turned to the light, the bond had snapped into place more tangible and present than ever before.

Before it had felt strained, a burden, at times even feared. It now felt like an essential part of herself, like something that had always been there and _would_ always be. 

They separated after their kiss, hands still on each other’s faces. Rey stared at him with wonder and joy as he broke out into the first smile she’d ever seen on his severe, handsome face. 

What happened next came without warning. Rey watched in complete confusion and then terror as Ben’s smile faded and he fell backwards. His eyes closed, and he lay completely still. 

Panic bubbled in her chest. 

“No, Ben, no no no! You always searched for me, and you found me, now stay with me! Ben, NO!” 

Her fingers gripped his shirt until her knuckles were white, and for a moment her fingers almost felt like they went THROUGH his clothes, as if nothing solid was beneath them. 

The bond that had only moments ago felt like a steel cable frayed down to the barest thread. Rey could feel it. The thread was about to snap; and a ripping, jagged pain bloomed in her chest. Just as she’d finally figured out the belonging she’d been searching for, it was taken from her. It was too cruel.

Her vision blurred, eyes streaming, as Ben disappeared and her world crumbled. 

Rey let out a broken sob. Her chest aching, head bowed and tears flowing, time seemed to lose meaning. How could anything have meaning, when half of yourself is lost? 

In reality, only a moment passed; several heartbeats in time, before everything changed for the second time that day. As she cried, clutching Ben’s clothes, something solidified beneath her hands.

It was warm.

The bond flared suddenly into life, beautiful and _alive_ , as a very solid Ben opened his eyes and sat up quickly with a gasp. His shirt still gripped in her hand and tears freely flowing, Rey lifted her eyes to meet his. 

“Ben?”

It was said as a question this time, not the joyous exclamation of his name from moments earlier. This was tentative; fearful. 

He was breathing shallow, quick gasps as through he’d just finished running. His eyes roved over her face, amazement written on every feature. 

“I’m here, Rey, I’m here.”

Rey let out a strangled sound that was half laugh, half sob; and then smacked him in the chest. 

“Ben, you idiot! You scared the hell out of me!” 

Before he could reply with a comment that would’ve been ninety percent snark, Rey flung herself forward into his arms.

“Ow, ribs.” He grumbles, but wraps his arms around her anyway. Rey ignores his complaint, or maybe doesn’t notice over her tears.

“You...you...for a moment you... disappeared. I FELT it, in my chest. It felt like...”

“...like half of yourself was ripped away,” Ben finished for her. Rey sniffled, then pulled back slightly to look at his face in confusion.

“Yes, that’s exactly it, how....” 

“Rey,” Ben interrupted, and his voice raised goosebumps up and down her arms. “You were dead. Not injured. Dead. I could feel it before I even climbed all the way out of that pit. The empty space you left when bond ripped away was agony. I knew it meant you were gone, but I had to get to you anyway.” He swallowed heavily; and Rey waited for him to go on.

“When I crawled up to you and pulled you into my lap, I knew it was true. You have very expressive eyes, did you know? They’re normally flashing at me in irritation, anger, exasperation....” 

She rolled her eyes at the tease, before his mercurial mood shifted into the serious again.

“...or _hope_. I could see how you always hoped that I would change. But your eyes were blank, unseeing. Rey, I’ll never forget it, not if I live to be a hundred. I’ve never felt so hopeless, so desperate, so _alone_. And the worst part was that it was my fault.”

“What do you mean, your fault? You dummy, coming here was my decision, it was my choice to stand against the emperor.” Rey searched his face, confused at the blame he was taking upon himself.

“Yes, but if had just listened to you sooner, if I hadn’t been so stubborn, we could have come up with a plan, it could have been different.” 

Rey gently put her hand on his cheek, effectively silencing him. “Ben; the ‘what could have beens’ won’t help. If we faced him together and had a well thought out plan, it still could have gone exactly the same way. We have no way to know it could have been any better. Maybe I should have taken your hand on the Supremacy after we defeated Snoke and his guards? Maybe if we could have actually talked more, instead of our tempers getting in the way, we could have gotten to where we are now much sooner. See? We could do this all day. But we don’t know. We can’t dwell on it that way, it only hurts.” She rubbed her thumb gently back and forth across his cheek.

_‘She’s too good,’_ he thought. _‘How could I ever have thought she’d surrender to the dark?’_

_‘Maybe because you Skywalkers have a stubborn streak a mile wide,’_ came the unmistakable voice of Rey in his head; though no words had been spoken aloud.

He flinched, surprised. _‘You heard that? I wasn’t trying to project.’_

Rey watched him, and nodded. How odd it was to have a complete conversation when no words were spoken! _‘This is new. I wonder what changed?’_

_‘Hmmm,’_ Ben looked thoughtful. _‘The bond feels different now. Stronger somehow.’_

Rey just smiled softly. Dark side or light, Ben was an academic. 

“Anyway,” he said aloud, “I had no idea if it would work, the life energy transfer, but I had to try. And it did work.” He finished softly, looking at Rey with those dark brown eyes that were conveying a depth of feeling. And he said SHE was the one with expressive eyes?

“I’d say it worked too well, you transferred too much. I didn’t want you dying for me,” Rey said in an equally quiet voice, hiccuping slightly from the crying she’d done earlier. 

“Sorry, sweetheart,” one corner of his mouth lifted in the slightest of smirks, “but I can’t say I wouldn’t do it again.” 

Rey couldn’t help herself; it was an inevitability that she would lean in to take another kiss. She was used to finding and taking what she needed; she was a scavenger after all. And what she needed now was the feel of Ben’s soft lips, reminding her that he was really here; really alive. They both were. 

“Rey,” Ben murmured against her lips, that baritone voice making her heart thud painfully in her chest.

“Hmmmm?” She said distractedly; eyes closed, with one of her hands in his hair. Even with the grime, sweat, and blood from their battle, it was every bit as soft as she had imagined.

“Although I’m loathe to interrupt this, perhaps we should make our escape before we both end up dead,” he says with some amusement.

Rey pulled back, cheeks slightly flushed, and took notice of their surroundings for the first time since Ben healed her. He was right, the situation didn’t look all that great. 

The rumbling from the Star destroyers exploding above was shaking the ground, and after Rey’s destruction of the Sith and the emperor, the temple seemed unstable at best. A few gargantuan columns had crashed to the ground; rubble was falling from above like a constant rain. It was time to go.

Rey stood up quickly and offered Ben her hand to help him up. They smiled briefly at the irony of Ben accepting _her_ hand, before he took it and groaned as he stood.

“I’m afraid this isn’t going to be fast, I’m pretty sure my leg is broken,” he winced, “some ribs too I think.” 

“We’ll manage,” she said, pulling his arm around her and shouldering some of his weight. “It would help if you weren’t _enormous.”_

He huffed out an amused breath, then grunted in pain as they began their shuffle out of the temple. Destruction was around them in earnest now; the ground uneven and cracked. They went as quickly as they could under the circumstances, occasionally using the force to block falling debris. 

“So, how are you alive? How did you come back?” Rey tried to distract him as they walked, as she could now feel an echo of his pain through the bond, like the aching of a phantom limb. She knew the pain she was feeling was a mere shadow of his, as he was now quite pale, a slight sheen of sweat on his brow.

“Now that is...an excellent...question,” he grunted out through clenched teeth. “But it’s not a short answer, so we’d best wait.. until I can breathe easier...”

They had reached the surface of the planet. The dogfight of ships was waning, and huge destroyers continued crashing to the surface as they were picked off one by one. 

“Uh oh.” Rey and Ben stopped, looking at the x-wing and the TIE fighter parked nearby. “How are we going to get you up in the ship?” 

“It’ll be like a force assisted jump, I just have to make sure I don’t land too hard,” Ben said, turning towards his TIE fighter. 

“Whoa whoa whoa, what do you think you’re doing?” Rey grabbed the back of Ben’s sweater to stop him in his tracks. 

“You do want to get out of here, don’t you?” He said bemusedly. 

“You can’t leave in that! For someone so smart, you can really be an idiot sometimes. They’d shoot you on sight!” 

Ben smirked at her, “Well, they could TRY anyway.” 

Rey rolled her eyes again. “Just come with me you nerfherder; we’ll cram into the x-wing.” 

“Careful, scavenger,” his eyes twinkled. “You’re getting awfully flippant with the insults; I think that’s the fourth time you’ve disparaged my intelligence in the last hour. You might start to hurt my feelings.” Rey mumbled something that might have been ‘Solo men,’ and gently nudged him towards Luke’s old relic of a ship. 

“Is this going to be a thing now?” She questioned. “Are we just going to argue all the time?”

“I thought fighting is what we’re good at, we’ve certainly done enough of it so far,” he quipped. He was enjoying baiting her, at least it kept him from thinking about how badly his leg hurt after walking on it for the last twenty minutes.

“I’m sure there will be _lots_ of other things we’re good at,” she huffed, then froze in place as she realized one of the interpretations of her statement. Ben must have picked up on her mortification through the bond, and he chuckled lightly, hand pressed to his injured ribs. 

“I...I mean, you know, things like mutual cooperation and working as a team, and learning in the force, and....” she stuttered, her face a deep red.

“I can’t believe I missed out on a whole year of this,” he chuckled breathlessly, “I wish I would have realized sooner that I didn’t need to be free of my past. I didn’t need more power and control. It wasn’t too late to return. I really am a nerfherder.” He shook his head in amusement. 

“I didn’t need any of that, I needed _you_. Just you,” he concluded seriously. 

Rey looked at him with shining eyes. 

_‘By the way, you’re adorable when you’re flustered.’_ He thought. _‘I’ll endeavor to envoke that reaction at every opportunity.’_

_‘I heard that,’_ she smiled. 

_‘You were supposed to.’_ He frowned pensively. _‘It feels almost as easy as speaking out loud. Fascinating.’_

“Yes, yes, it really is, but we need to go, _now.”_ The ground beneath their feet was vibrating constantly; it didn’t seem like a good sign. 

Rey shook her head fondly; of course Ben would be distracted by the mysteries of their force bond, despite being injured and in a dangerous situation. After all, this was the same man more interested in the details of their first force connection than the enemy in front of him; while Rey was too busy spewing venom to even question the connection. He had a curious and analytical mind, and Rey loved that about him. But now was _really_ not the time. 

With no small amount of effort, Ben settled into the seat of the X-wing and looked around skeptically. “This won’t work. I already take up too much room, how are you going to fit?” 

Rey was ingoring him as she climbed up to the cockpit. “Well we don’t have a choice, so budge up a bit and let me in.” 

Ben sighed but obliged, as Rey curled up on his lap with her feet to one side, avoiding sitting on his broken leg. “Oh I’m going to end up with a crick in my neck for sure.” Her head and shoulders were hunched downward, her face almost in Ben’s neck. “Make sure the cockpit can close. Can you reach all the controls?” 

Ben nodded once, grunting as he stretched around Rey to close the hatch and initiate the start-up sequence. “I can’t believe this old piece of garbage actually flies.” 

Rey shrugged, or attempted to in the enclosed space. “Yeah, well beggars can’t be choosers. After I set fire to your ship I was lucky to even make it to Exegol.” 

Ben snapped his head around to look at her in surprise, but the quarters were so close, his face was mere millimeters from hers. “What do you mean, set fire to my ship?” He meant for some amount of mock outrage in his tone, but staring into her hazel eyes distracted him thoroughly and it came out in a hoarse whisper.

“Well, I thought I was falling to the dark side. I had gotten so angry that I almost killed you; and I thought I would be better off to maroon myself like Luke and cut myself off from the force. I was in the middle of torching your TIE when Luke showed up and talked some sense into me. This is his old ship.” 

“Huh,” was all Ben said; but Rey could feel the swirl of emotions. That would be something they could unpack another day. He turned his face forward again, and Rey found herself irrationally disappointed. A short time with redeemed Ben Solo seemingly caused a new kind of awakening; and this time it wasn’t the force. 

It was something greedy.

If Ben was privy to her musings, he didn’t comment; and simply asked, “Coordinates? Where to?” Rey reached forward and keyed in the route home to the resistance base. The X-wing lifted off and they were on their way. 

Once airborne, it was easy enough to avoid the few remaining unfriendlies, and they could heard some of the radio chatter coming in. Most everyone was bugging out and heading back to base. No one tried to hail them, which was fortunate. 

This...interesting new development was something that would be better explained in person. 

Ben grimaced and shifted beneath Rey. Under different circumstances, he would have been more than pleased at having Rey in his lap; but this was not at all enjoyable. They were crammed in a space meant for one average sized person; let alone _two_ people; one of which was definitely not average sized. 

His leg throbbed constantly, breathing was difficult, and Rey wasn’t exactly helping . She was wiggling and fidgeting, no doubt trying to find a way to sit where the controls weren’t digging into her thigh while also being mindful of Ben’s injuries. 

Perhaps even more pressing were the unspoken questions between them; like HOW had Ben returned? 

What happened now?

How would the others react?

Would he be arrested; executed?

Was showing up at the resistance base really the best idea?

And more importantly, how was he supposed to resist kissing Rey the entire way back, when her face was close enough for him to count every freckle on her nose?

He sighed. This was going to be a long flight.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Nothing is better than this,’ Rey thought, as Ben’s impossibly soft lips moved against hers. She sighed softly, and his hand tightened on the back of her neck. The greedy thing in her awakened again, as a gnawing feeling settled in her abdomen. It reminded her of the familiar feeling of hunger; but she didn’t want food. 
> 
> She wanted HIM.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in my best Mushu impersonation: “I LIVE!!!!!” Seriously though, it’s been 84 years... is anyone even still reading this? 
> 
> Well anyway I’m back, hopefully the chapters will flow easier now. I’ll just throw this one out into the void...enjoy! :-D
> 
> Also, I will say that I am BY NO MEANS an expert in the WBW or other lore. It may all be wildly inaccurate, so ya know, proceed at your own risk and all that.

  
Flashback part 2

***6 months ago***

“So, Ajan Kloss is where you’ve been?” said Ben, with one eyebrow raised. “Great, humidity. My favorite.” 

Rey let out an amused breath. “I agree, it was odd adjusting to everything just being damp all the time. I prefer dry heat. But I do love all the green. And the water.” 

Ben suddenly had a vision in his mind's eye of a lush jungle; waterfalls, and...was that some kind of obstacle course? He shook his head. “What was that I just saw?” he asked Rey. She looked at him with her head cocked. 

“I was thinking about the training course there. You could see it?” 

“Hmmm,” he nodded. “It seems that with both of us more in balance with the force; the dyad bond is at its strongest. I wouldn’t be surprised if, over time, new abilities may manifest as the bond continues to strengthen. After all, passing objects through the force connections was something relatively new.” 

Rey nodded thoughtfully, filing that away for later. “Humidity is the least of our problems. I would consider going somewhere else besides back to the resistance, but you need medical attention, and I think we have a better chance of getting it there...not many other places are close.” 

Ben’s heart warmed at the thought that she would consider leaving her resistance friends for him; but he shook his head sadly. “Rey, do you seriously think they’ll waste medical resources on me? They’re more likely to shoot me.” 

“They’ll have to go through me first,” she growled fiercely. “No one will touch you, I won’t let them. I think my friends will hear me out. I mean I did kind of save them all; they owe me that much, right?” 

“Yes, I daresay they do. But people aren’t always reasonable, as you’re well aware. I wish we didn’t have to go back, for several reasons.” He sighed wearily. 

“Hey,” Rey turned his face back towards her. “We’ll get you healed. Then if they can’t see reason, if they can’t see how you’ve changed; then we’ll leave. Together.”

Ben looked into her warm hazel eyes; amazed again at the conundrum that was Rey. Fierce and deadly, compassionate and forgiving. “Rey, I don’t want you to leave your home for me. Not when you’ve finally found one. I can’t ask it of you.”

“Ben, don’t you understand yet? Well, maybe you don’t, I mean I took me long enough to figure it out...”she paused, realizing that she was rambling. “You’re my home. Home is wherever you are.” She ran her fingers through his hair, while he seemed at a complete loss for words.

“But....why?” _Well done, Ben, so eloquent,_ he mentally kicked himself. 

Rey smiled softly, and continued running her hands through his hair. He looked so lost. She supposed he was; everything he’d ever known had been upended in a matter of days. He’d found out that everything had been against him from the beginning; the emperor had his hooks in him from the moment he was born. He’d found out that Rey was descended from the very evil that had ruined his life (although Ben was still harboring doubts about the truth to that.) His mother had died. He turned away from the dark side, killed his own knights, resurrected the person he cared about the most, died himself, and returned to life again. 

No wonder he felt a little bewildered, Rey thought wryly. She took mercy on him, and made it simple. 

“Because I love you.” 

Ben inhaled sharply, his mind ground to a halt. He knew that Rey cared for him, that she was compassionate and kind, but this was more than he deserved. His natural tendency was to dismiss it as a lie; since he had felt less than loved for most of his life. Thank the stars for the bond between them though; because the sincerity of her words rang like silver bells, like tangible music in his soul. 

For some reason, a sudden memory from his childhood resurfaced, of his mother telling his father that she loved him. Han’s favorite answer was, “I know.” It was an inside joke, a nostalgic memory, and also something that annoyed his mother. She’d laugh, or roll her eyes; but even as a child, Ben could tell that sometimes, just _sometimes_ , she wished he’d say it back. As much as he loved when Rey would rise to the challenge in his words or demeanor, he was not going to repeat the mistakes of his parents.

“Rey,” he said softly, “I love you too.” 

She smiled, eyes brimming over. The emotions reverberated back and forth along the bond, until it was indistinguishable who was feeling what. This time, it was Ben who closed the short distance between them, sweetly pressing his lips to hers. 

_Nothing is better than this,_ Rey thought, as Ben’s impossibly soft lips moved against hers. She sighed softly, and his hand tightened on the back of her neck. The greedy thing in her awakened again, as a gnawing feeling settled in her abdomen. It reminded her of the familiar feeling of hunger; but she didn’t want food. 

She wanted _him._

She pressed herself closer to him, one hand gripping his hair, one hand on his cheek. He opened his mouth to her and she felt his tongue against her lips.

The hungry thing in her roared to life, and she eagerly greeted his tongue with her own. Rey had no idea what she was doing, but knew she didn’t want it to stop. She hoped that her inexperience wasn’t glaringly obvious. 

Ben must have heard her thoughts through the bond, because he broke apart enough to murmur, “You are assuming...” he paused, kissing her neck, “that I have more experience….” he leaned his head down, kissing her collarbone, “....than you.” He kissed underneath her ear, and she shivered.

“Your assumption would be wrong,” he said quietly, and the sound of his voice made her toes curl. “I’ve never wanted anyone the way that I want you,” he nearly growled, and as she stared up into his dark eyes, she couldn’t doubt the sincerity of his words. 

They leaned towards each other again, but a beeping from the control panel brought them both back to the reality of their present situation. They were 30 minutes out from base; and were to standby for landing instructions. 

They both sighed heavily, making eye contact and then chuckling slightly. Rey supposed they should focus on what was ahead of them, but it was hard to concentrate over the way her entire body felt overheated. She needed a distraction, as it was hard to think about anything else when she was literally crammed onto his lap.

“So,” she started awkwardly in a high pitched voice, and mentally smacked herself for sounding so weird. “You never did tell me what happened after you healed me.” 

Ben seemed just as distracted as she felt, which soothed her nerves somewhat. He latched onto the change in topic eagerly. 

“Yes, I did promise to tell you when I could breathe easier,” he smirked slightly, “I suppose now is as good as any. You should know that I don’t fully understand it; and some of this is conjecture.” 

Rey nodded at him to go on. She loved the way his lips pursed together when he was thinking or concentrating hard. _‘Stop looking at his lips!’_ Rey chastised herself.

Ben jumped a bit in surprise. “I take it you heard that?” Rey said sheepishly. 

“It was kind of hard to miss, you rather screamed it at me.” Rey’s cheeks were flaming, and she ducked her face down into his neck.

“Sorry,” she whispered, somewhat mortified. 

“Why are you sorry?” He questioned, feeling amused as he trailed his hand up and down her back.

“I don’t know how to be close to someone. I’ve been self sufficient my entire life, and for the first time I feel myself needing someone more than I ever have before. It’s a little.....terrifying,” she finished quietly, not quite meeting his eyes. 

“Don’t be afraid, I feel it too,” Ben said softly. Rey looked up and met his eyes, smiling at him, but also feeling sad. How far they’d come since the first time he’d said those words. 

“Rey, don’t think that you are alone in feeling this way. I’ve felt like an outsider, a loner; discarded and unlovable by my family, unworthy of anything but power. I know now that’s not what the reality was, but it’s how I felt. It’s not easy to feel vulnerable. But I trust you. And you can trust me. We need each other, and maybe it’s ok to need someone.” 

Rey inhaled deeply, and thought, _‘you’re right_ ,’ and then looked at the control panel. Twenty-five minutes til approach.

“You were saying?” Rey prompted gently. 

“Ah, yes. So much of the force is unknown; even though we have thousands of years of history to draw on. It is one of the most constant, binding, yet mysterious parts of the universe.” His eyes unfocused, thinking for a moment before continuing.

“There is a theorem,” he started again, “about something called the world between worlds. Essentially, it’s a different plane of existence, where space and time stretch out in a ribbon of endless possibilities. It can be accessed at certain points, called vergences. My hypothesis is that Exegol is one such vergence in the force; creating a point of access to the world between worlds.” 

Rey’s mind was spinning. “I feel like I might have read something about that in the ancient Jedi texts that I, er, borrowed from Luke.” 

_‘Scavenger, indeed.’_ Ben teased. Rey flushed a little, but continued,”So what happened with you? Did you actually die? Did you go into the world between worlds?”

Ben clenched his jaw, and pursed his lips again. “Here’s where it’s tricky Rey, this is all theoretical. I don’t know if I actually died and became one with the force, or if I exerted so much force energy, that I somehow entered the Vergence into the world between worlds. What I do know, however, is what brought me back.” 

Rey waited breathlessly. Did a flair for the dramatic come from the Skywalkers? She wished he would get on with it, it wouldn’t be long before they entered atmosphere.

Ben sensed her impatience and answered, “My mother saved me.” He swallowed heavily.

Rey whispered sadly, “Leia saved you? How? We both felt when she died.” 

Ben exhaled shakily. “Yes, I felt it. But I would be willing to bet that her life energy had not fully passed into the force. I saw her, in the World between Worlds, or wherever it was that I existed.” He paused, internally struggling with how to describe an experience that went beyond the physical realm.

“She gave me a...I guess you could call it a push of sorts, through a doorway, and I could feel her using the last of her energy that tied her to this world. She truly became one with the force, after that, leaving the plane of the living. And I woke up….here.” 

He was looking straight ahead, a lid clamped firmly down on his emotions, his face motionless. Rey reached out her hand that had long since fallen asleep from its cramped position, and stroked his face. 

“I’m sorry Ben. Did she say anything to you?” She asked quietly.

Ben looked down, and answered softly, “She did, but I haven’t the heart to tell you at the moment. Perhaps another time.” 

Rey nodded, understanding how hard all of this was for him.

A sudden crackle of radio static startled them again.

“Red 5, this is mission control, landing coordinator alpha 2. Please land your craft in sector 7 of the airfield.” 

Rey acknowledged the orders, and looked at Ben. “Well, here goes nothing I guess. What are the odds that someone doesn’t fire a potshot at you?” 

The day had seemed to dredge up enough old memories for Ben, that he wasn’t even surprised with himself when he answered with a half smile, “I think it’s going to work out fine. Never tell me the odds.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last of the flashback chapters! It’s a bit dialogue heavy, and I think my longest chapter so far. 
> 
> Hopefully the chapters will come a bit more often now; my goal is once a week now that the plot wheels are spinning in my head ;-)
> 
> Let me know what you think!

Flashback, Part 3 

****6 months ago****

“So let me get this straight,” Poe said tiredly. “You were both dead a few hours ago?”

Poe exhaled heavily with his eyes closed, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers like he had the beginnings of a migraine. Rey and Ben sat in front of him, holding hands and waiting quietly to see how the others would react. Even Rey had to admit to herself, their story _did_ sound far fetched.

  
  


They had been very lucky. The area in which they were directed to land the x-wing was close to one of the outbuildings on base. It was used mostly as storage, with little foot traffic through the building. Ben landed the ship, and they managed to un-wedge themselves out of the cockpit and climb down to the ground. Arms and legs cramped and aching, it was a wonder they didn’t just collapse into a heap, especially considering Ben’s injuries. They managed to limp together into the building, choosing the first empty room they found. It was dusty, with one small and grimy window set on the far wall. Most of the supplies had been taken prior to the battle. There wasn’t even an empty crate to sit on. Rey helped Ben lower to the floor, and he leaned against the wall with a tired groan. Rey looked at him with concern.

“You ok?” She said softly, brushing his hair back from his forehead. 

He huffed out a short laugh. “This has been the longest, strangest day ever. I feel like I could sleep for a week.” 

He leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes. Rey tried not to panic since she could feel his steady presence through the bond; but she couldn’t help but think about the way he had looked right before he died, when he closed his eyes and disappeared. That moment was going to be frequenting her nightmares, she was sure of it. Rey needed to go and find some of her friends and bring them to this secluded room, but she hated to leave him. He looked so pale and drawn.

Ben sensed her distress, and opened his eyes. “Go and find your friends. I’m fine, honest. Nothing some rest and bacta can’t fix.” 

Rey still looked unsure; and hadn’t budged. “I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart. Promise.” He looked at her with those dark brown eyes, and she nodded once with a heavy sigh. 

“Besides, the sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can take a nap.” Ben said, smiling slightly. “And dinner,” said Rey. 

He chuckled a bit. “Go. No one will bother me. “ she nodded once more and ducked out the door.

People were celebrating everywhere. It took awhile, weaving around the people hugging, laughing, and crying with each other. Rey couldn’t help but look around and think how hard this would feel right now, if Ben hadn’t came back. She remembered that moment of empty brokenness; and shuddered. 

Rey kept walking through the crowd, smiling and nodding as a few people acknowledged her. Soon she saw Poe and Finn, and was overwhelmed with gratitude that they were well. She ran towards them, and they embraced for a few moments. 

“Poe. Finn. I’m so happy to see you both.” 

Finn looked at her with tears in his eyes. “Rey, I can’t believe you’re here. I can’t explain this, but earlier...it felt like you were gone. I just had this feeling that something terrible had happened.” Poe and Rey were both looking at him curiously, and then Rey jumped slightly as Ben’s voice sounded in her head. 

_“Ah, that explains a lot. The traitor is force sensitive.”_ His mental voice sounded merely curious, she was relieved to note. 

_‘Technically you’re both traitors now, aren’t you?’_ Rey thought with humor.

_“Hmph. Touché I suppose.”_ A pause. _“Hurry back Rey.”_

Rey could feel his extreme fatigue, the aching pain from his leg, ribs, and head that almost throbbed in time with his heartbeat. He needed rest and medical attention and he needed it _soon_. 

“Listen; Finn, Poe, there’s so much I need to tell you, and it can’t wait,” Rey said in a rush. “All I ask is that you listen to me. Hear me out, and trust me like you always have.” She looked at them each with an intensity they didn’t understand.

Finn smiled, and though a bit confused, said, “Of course we trust you Rey. What’s this about?” Rey glanced around at the commotion surrounding them. There were people _everywhere_. Celebratory drinks were being shared; and the laughter and cheers and general noise were steadily increasing in proportion to the quantity of drinks. It wasn’t likely that they’d be overheard, but they needed to get back to Ben. 

Rey leaned towards them conspiratorially. “Not here. I need you to come with me,” she murmured.

Poe was still riding the high of their victory, and said with a laugh, “Oh come on! We just won! Can’t we celebrate for a bit before we get back to work?” 

“No, we really, really can’t. Come on.” She had just started dragging a befuddled Poe and Finn toward the supply room, when they spotted Rose. She smiled and started in their direction, and Rey knew instantly that she needed Rose with them for this. She wasn’t sure it was the leading of the force telling her this, it was more like....women’s intuition. 

Finn greeted Rose warmly with a wave. “Hey Rose! Don’t mind us, we’re just getting manhandled by the last Jedi.” Rey rolled her eyes, but said “We’re heading somewhere for a quiet talk. I want you there too. Please.”

Poe muttered, “We didn’t get told ‘please.’”

Rose just grinned and said, “Sure Rey! Lead on.”

They walked into the building, pausing outside the door. “Well Rey, you going to tell us why you dragged us into this old storage building?” Poe said with an eyebrow raised. Rey felt too nervous to give Poe her typical snark, so she simply nodded once and gestured to the door. “In here please.” 

_‘Well, here goes nothing,’_ she thought towards Ben through the bond. She opened the door and stepped in, turning around quickly so she could see their reactions. 

Finn’s jaw dropped, Rose gasped, and Poe immediately drew his blaster. Rey froze him in place as a precaution, not trusting him to not shoot first and ask questions later. Everyone but Rey glared daggers at Ben. 

“Let him go,” Rose said fiercely. 

Ben waved one hand nonchalantly. “Hey, I didn’t do that.” They all frowned in confusion. Rey cleared her throat and quietly said, “I did.”

Poe was furious. “What the hell, Rey!” He shouted. Finn crossed his arms. Rose just turned to her friend with eyebrows raised, waiting for what would certainly be an interesting explanation.

Rey was starting to feel a little nauseated. What if they didn’t believe her? What if this didn’t go the way she hoped? 

Ben’s deep, calming voice washed over her in the bond. _“Breathe Rey. Just breathe.”_

She took in a shuddering breath, and gently addressed her friends. “You promised you would listen! I would give you the benefit of the doubt if you asked me. Please just hear us out.” 

Rose came in without hesitation and sat cross legged on the floor. Finn softly whispered, “Us?” with a look of absolute bewilderment, but slowly started walking into the room. 

“Um Rey?” Poe said. “You maybe wanna unfreeze me?” 

“Do you promise to put your blaster away?” 

He sighed as if he were the most put upon man in the galaxy. “Yes, Rey, I promise. Now unfreeze me so we can close this door; because if anyone else sees him it’s going to be pandemonium.”

Twenty minutes was all it took for Rey to explain nearly everything. Ben had only interjected occasionally, but they held nothing back. She started with Palpatine and Snoke’s influence on Ben since he was a child. They talked about the force bond connections before Crait, about Rey going to Ben on the Supremacy, about Ben killing Snoke. (“Pay up,” Rose whispered to Finn.)

They talked about the continued force bonds, the discovery of the dyad, what happened on Kef Bir, and everything they went through on Exegol. 

Well, everything but the kiss. Rey skipped over that part, with a barely noticeable pause and a slight flush to her cheeks. Rose was the only one who noticed, and she narrowed her eyes. Rey could tell she would be getting pressed for more information later. 

The room was quiet, and Poe just stood there, pinching his nose with his head bowed. 

Rey let out an exasperated breath. “Out of everything I just told you, us being dead is what you got out of that? Keep up Poe.” Sometimes she just did not have the patience required for dealing with Poe Dameron.

Poe dropped his hands with a huff and an aggravated grunt. “No, I heard everything all right, it’s just that the whole thing was the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard in my life! I don’t even know where to start. First of all I can’t believe you kept all of this from us. You didn’t think it was _maybe_ a little important to tell us that our Jedi was having secret communiques from the Supreme Leader?” 

Rey felt the stinging of tears starting.

“Poe, I—”

“That could have been pretty useful, don’t you think? Maybe we could have gotten some intel that could have helped us sooner! Instead you were busy doing...well what _were_ you doing exactly? Is that how he found us on Pasana?”

“Poe, I _never_ betrayed any information! I’ve always been on your side! All I wanted was Ben to turn. That’s exactly why I couldn’t tell you, what if the Resistance pressured me to try to trap him, or hurt him?”

  
  


Poe ignored her question, and had started pacing a bit. “I think you dying is somehow the most believable part of all that mumbo jumbo. More believable than HIM being on our side...and whatever THIS is,“ he waved his hand in the general direction of Ben and Rey’s linked hands. 

Rose had been sitting quietly, listening to Rey and watching Ben. She started speaking softly, with a far off look in her soft brown eyes. “That’s how we won.” 

Finn leaned towards her a bit. “What was that, Rose?” 

She spoke up a bit, “That’s how we won. Not by killing what we hate.” Her eyes met Finn’s and he finished, “By saving what we love.”

Their eyes locked, and then turned to look at Rey and Ben. 

Rey smiled at Rose. What a perfect way to sum up her and Ben. 

Poe cut through the moment with a scoff. “You know, that’s a great sentiment and all,” he said sarcastically . “But a fat lot of good it did us. If wasn’t for ‘saving what we love,’ Leia might still be with us.”

Rose opened her mouth in surprise. “Don’t say that.” 

Poe ignored her and continued his frantic pacing. “I just don’t buy it. So you’re on our side now? You just expect me to believe that you’re gonna walk away from everything and help us?” 

“Well I certainly didn’t do it for you,” Ben said with a sneer. Rey elbowed him slightly. 

Poe whipped around and scowled at him. “Listen pal, you can’t just waltz in here after everything you’ve done and expect us to forgive you.” 

“I don’t.” 

“Come again?” 

“I don’t expect you to forgive me. I understand that some things can’t be forgiven.” Rey opened her mouth to argue, but Ben wasn’t finished.

“But I offer you whatever knowledge I have, anything I have that might be helpful. For Rey. For the cause my mother believed in.” Ben finished quietly and looked down at the ground. 

The muscles in Poe’s jaw worked furiously. “Too bad you didn’t figure this out earlier, there might be a whole lot less dead people. Leia being one of them.” 

Rose gasped, “Poe!” Rey simply eyed Poe speculatively. He had always been handsome, even if he didn’t appeal to Rey personally. Right now though; this wasn’t handsome, jovial, witty, likeable Poe. 

Sometimes, grief was ugly.

Poe’s force energy felt like a swirling mass of deep resentment, anger, frustration, and distrust. It was clear he blamed Ben for Leia’s death, and lashing out was giving him an outlet he desperately craved.

“You’re not her son,” Ben replied quietly.

Poe retorted, “Yeah? Well it’s not like you were much of one either.” 

Ben exhaled angrily and made to stand up, but his leg wobbled and Rey gently pulled him back down.

Rose stood up with a huff and went to stand between Ben and Poe. “Ok, that’s about enough male posturing. Poe, you’re not the only one who misses Leia. You can’t take your grief and regret out on everybody else.”

He lifted both arms out in an angry shrug. “Are you seriously taking his side right now?”

“That’s not what this is about! Can you honestly tell me that you’ve never made mistakes before? Lapses in sound judgement?”

Poe seemed flabbergasted beyond coherent words. He finally stuttered out, “Of course I have! It’s a little different from what he did. He killed people! People DIED from his bad decisions!”

“And no one died from yours?” She said softly. Poe paled, and recoiled as if he’d been slapped.

“Poe,” she took a step towards him, and continued gently. “I’ve never blamed you for Paige’s death. And I’m not going to start now. I know you had good intentions. But you still made a bad judgment call and lives were lost. I’m also pretty sure you would not be the General you are today if you hadn’t had that experience to grow and learn from. Our past experiences help shape us into who we are, but we aren’t MADE of those choices. We get the chance, every day, to try and be better than the last.” 

She put her hand on Poe’s arm, and looked up at him. “Don’t you think Ben should get that chance? Is it _ever_ too late to make the right choice?”

Ben was staring at Rose as though he had never seen anything like her. Who was this tiny, passionate woman? Rey thought through the bond with amusement, _“yep, that’s Rose”._ Her mental tone was amused, but she offered no other explanation. 

Poe recovered somewhat, and cleared his thoat. He seemed to be more in control of himself. He took a deep breath, and rubbed his face wearily.

“I don’t know Rose, how are we gonna deal with this in the Resistance, how are people going to get past his...well, past? How would this even work? “

“I don’t know Poe, you did it alright with Finn.” 

Finn has been standing silently, leaning against the wall across from where Ben and Rey sat on the floor. He had listened intently during Rey’s story; not saying a word, just glaring at Ben and looking at Rey with something like disbelief and betrayal. At Rose’s last statement, he finally broke his silence. 

“That’s completely different!” He burst out. “I had no choice, I was conformed to that since I was a kid!” 

Rose turned to him, “Well from what they’ve told us, it sounds like he didn’t have that much of a choice either.”

Poe and Finn both opened their mouths to argue some more, but Rey interrupted them.

“You all are my closest friends,” she said softly, looking at each of them in turn. “I know I shouldn’t have kept the force bond from you; but I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid you’d turn me away, thinking I was a security risk, or a traitor. Or I was afraid you’d ask me to somehow use the bond to trap Ben; and despite us still being on opposing sides, I couldn’t bear that thought. Which confused me even more.” She appeared to almost be talking to herself at this point. 

“I felt so lost. We were supposed to be enemies, but the thought of something happening to him by my actions was painful. The vision in the force before I went to the Supremacy drove me mad. Was it still possible? Had Snoke lied, and that vision was real? Could he still turn? This past year has been torture. I am so sorry if you feel deceived, but how could I have talked to you about this? How?” Tears glistened in her eyes, and Ben squeezed her hand gently.

Rose said, “I might not have understood, but you could have come to me. I would have listened.” Rey smiled softly at her, and shook her head a bit.

“Well I suppose that doesn’t matter now. I guess what I’m trying to say is, even though I withheld all that; can you believe me now? Do you still trust me?” 

Poe, Finn, and Rose looked at each other, and seemed to come to a silent agreement. Finn looked at Rey, and said seriously, “Rey. You believed in me even after I lied to you. You knew there was more in me than a scared deserter, even though I couldn’t see it in myself. You’re my friend.” His smile was a little watery, but he continued. “We trust you. I don’t think any of us understand _everything_ you’ve told us. But we believe you.” 

Finn turned slightly and addressed Ben directly for the first time. “As for you, I still don’t trust you yet. But I do trust Rey. And from what she says, if you hadn’t come for her; the emperor would have won. And if you hadn’t brought her back, she’d be dead; and every one of us here would be worse off without her. So....thank you.” 

Ben just nodded his head, and looked back seriously at him, while Rose smiled and Poe stood gaping like a fish out of water.

“I still haven’t forgiven you for the lightsaber thing though,” he said with eyebrows raised. 

Ben huffed out what was almost a laugh, and said “Fair enough.” 

Poe said, “Ok what he said. We still don’t trust you. But if you want to help us... You can start by giving us some intel on remaining first order strongholds.” 

Rose held up a hand and stopped him from speaking more. “Poe that can wait. Have you looked at them? They’re exhausted and Ben needs medical attention. We need to get them somewhere quiet and out of the way.”

Poe studied Rey and Ben as if seeing them for the first time. Exhausted seemed like an understatement. Both of them were covered in dust, grime, and blood. Ben’s face looked like he’d been in a fist fight; and the way he was holding his ribs didn’t seem good. From the way he’d attempted to stand, the leg wasn’t in good shape either. “Damn, she’s right. You guys don’t look so good.” 

Everyone laughed a little, as Rey’s friends helped haul them to their feet.


End file.
